A teenage letter.

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Dear Sister,

I hope you are good and am sure still not in love with teenagers. I won’t irritate you much with my childish stories and theories i promise. But i couldn’t stop myself from writing this to you. You know how i use to hate things when i couldn’t think straight and think other things than my academics. I have to study i know. I won’t let you or my parents down. Ok! Now can I talk my story? Its little old. Few years old actually. But i guess am sure enough to tell you now.

I hardly socialized while in school. Except Kris and Alice I hardly had friends. Sometimes they even annoyed me when they wouldn’t stop talking about BOYS. Why does this happen sister? Why was focusing on one thing so difficult back then? Did you felt the same when you were 16? Are we wired that way or was i eating wrong things? I always wondered.

It was drizzling that whole week, last few days of monsoon and we are still forced to attend our physical activities class on ground. One day, it started drizzling just when our games class started, as we walked to the ground i saw few boys from the other class playing football. Between those few, I don’t know his name. But there was a guy who looked happiest of all, probably he made the most goals. In that sweaty shirt and wet hair he grabbed my attention. It was the firs time i was feeling that way, uneasy yet good. I don’t know why i couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He had very nice arms, he was tall enough and nice long neck and broad shoulders. Argghhh! I got crush on him.

Is it normal to see somebody that way? I am sorry if am sounding stupid, sister! But hey, teenagers are known for this right? :p

Moving on, after that day I decided to forget the scene and get back in senses and ignore such foreign unknown feeling but he kept bumping into me in the school building. During breaks, during free periods, etc..etc..We crossed each other a lot after that day, coincidentally. I tried so hard to ignore. And anyway he didn’t even noticed me i was sure. He was always busy laughing with his friends or with bunch of girls in corridors. He didn’t know somebody like me existed who gets conscious even when he walks past me. It was so weird,sis.

I heard few girls talking in my class about him being arrogant and casa-nova kinds. And thank god i heard that and it ended my crush on him. You know my heart raced when he was around but seriously thank god i heard those things and he no longer made my heart pound then. In fact it kinda made me hate him. I don’t know why. Alice use to laugh a lot on all this. She made fun of me all the time and once asked me to talk to him and get over it. But i was too afraid. And Kris, she was always busy flirting back with all the boys and then telling me all her stories and not listening to mine. She hardly cared about what happened to me.

After few months of this, co-incidentally(and ironically) Kris started dating this very same guy i had crush on. His name is John btw. I don’t know why i was hating it. How can she do that? He is such an ass everybody says. She shouldn’t. I wanted to stop her. He’ll break her heart am sure. I was so worried for her. I need to protect her from that beast i decided. I really tried my best to talk her out of this guy. But she did not listen to me. She went on. He was so rude to everybody i had heard. Also once he was rude to me when i apologized to him on Orkut when we lost the game. (Co-incidentally we were in the same house) And he said “Never mind. I didn’t expect you to win”. Can you believe this? How rude he was! I hate these co-incidences. Why he was in the same red house? Why he had to be standing right before me on every house day? Why does he have to be in canteen just when i was hungry everyday? Everybody keeps talking about him. How can he be everywhere in the school? And now my best friend dating him? Thank god he wasn’t in our class. I would’ve left school otherwise. I didn’t understand why does his presence irritated me so much. It was beyond my understanding.

It was our last year in the school. School got over then. Kris and John use to mail each other as they couldn’t see each other everyday. Kris’s mother was strict about her using phones and talking to guys and going out much. And guess what then… He called me to help him communicate with her! Crazy.. I didn’t know what to do.

Surprisingly, he didn’t sound so bad as i thought he would. He was pretty decent and sweet i think, he wanted to make kris feel special on her birthday that’s why wanted my help. It was cute i thought, I didn’t really knew him before and i had made that cloud of his image listening to others. My thoughts on him changed. He was a good guy i concluded and started helping him.

Twist, guess what.. My friend Kris dumped John out of the blue, she started liking someone else. Now this time my heart really broke. I felt so bad for that poor guy. He didn’t know anything about all this and he was all in love with her. And Kris asked me to tell John to not to call her anymore and not tell him the actual reason. It was so hard for me. His heart broke into million pieces when i told him it was over. I felt so very sad. I couldn’t concentrate on my studies too thinking how he felt. He called me so many times to help him reconcile with her but she wouldn’t agree. It crushed him.

The guy i thought was so bad was actually a sweet and soft person inside i discovered. I started talking to him a lot then, keeping check on how he was doing. Few months later that break up, Kris and Alice left the city and it made me very alone but John was there to talk and he was getting better too. We became best of friends in no time, talking all day and night sharing secrets and feelings.

Hahah… It’s so funny how universe works, now i feel co-incidences were actually signs from universe. It was trying to tell me i had a story with him. He means a lot to me. I still remember the day when i saw him on the ground and it still makes me blush. But i won’t ever tell him this i guess, am afraid to lose him. What if….

I cannot imagine a day without talking to him. I cannot imagine a birthday without listening to his voice first. I going to keep this feeling safe with me because i cannot lose the person who understands my silence too.

P.S- Sister, do not laugh. Ok? I am sorry if i bored you but i had to tell you. I know you’ll laugh but i know i made you smile too. I am growing up i promise. I am turning 20 next month. Good bye to  my teenage. I am working very hard too to make a life for myself so that i be worth him and you be proud of me.

Love,

R.

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One thought on “A teenage letter.

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